...speaking of which...

Today I received a letter from the planning department of the council, apparently they are seeking my opinion on whether I think its a good idea to replace the current uPVC windows in the property with timber sash ones...NOW...how does one really answer that without a few expletives?

To ADD insult to injury, they have advised that the application is being considered on 19th July...need for expletives me thinks... permission was requested back in March...I cannot fathom that they have THAT much work!

Alas...it remains to be seen whether I will object to the proposal...can I let my head explode now???

Letters of...

The dying art of letter writing was revived recently by yours truly...firstly I sent one to my neighbour, introducing myself and enquiring about their fence...being of an anally retentive disposition...did I mention that?...I need my fences to match!!! Despite leaving a plethora of contact details...still no response...RUDE!

My second was to the freeholders, London Quadrant, having been thoroughly patient with them and my window situation AND being told that they still had no timeframe for me....offering to temporarily repair existing windows...it was time to take matters into my own hands! To that end I wrote requesting existing drawings for the proposed windows and advise I was having them measured and possibly made by the joiner contracted for the interior doors and such.

Their response was rather terse, ending by saying...and I quote:

"We would strongly advise that you do not undertake any of the work yourself prior to receiving planning permission, as this would be in breach of planning and the conservation order."

Now...I was not planning to undertake the work myself...silly...was going to get a professional in!!!

My third and final to date was to the Heating Engineer, cataloguing his many misdemeanors, however, I gave up half way through cos I just couldn't be bothered...in fact I haven't actually spoken to him since the day I supposedly lost my warranty...he had his apprentice call me to check I was receiving all his messages...the fool...why am I surrounded by them I ask myself constantly!!!

21 weeks on...

The heating that should have taken four days, has taken over three weeks to install. The Plumber...who prefers to be called a Heating Engineer...is so laid back he is positively horizontal...due to the lackluster way in which he works, a fine of £100 per day was imposed, this however, did little to speed things up.

Firstly the boiler...having been advised the boiler in situ would be adequate to run the desired heating system, it was highly annoying to be told that in actual fact I would need a new one to avoid having to MANUALLY switch from hot water to heating...sooo...I went about purchasing one, looking for the smallest on the market, collating the technical specs and sending to the Heating Engineer for verification. Two days later I was given the go-ahead with assurances that this would effectively run the system...you know what's coming...some three days after delivery I was called to be told that the boiler as incorrect...THE SAME boiler for which I supplied the specs. This caused a delay of three days...

Somewhere between weeks one and two it was discovered that the thermostats were wired as opposed to wireless...MUST point out that all items were checked on delivery (???)...this led to a series of calls to the supplier, pictures sent, bringing to light the fact that the plans were not followed and them refusing to honor the 10-year warranty...for which the Heating Engineer felt sooo guilty he redid the hallways and now the warranty is back on...allegedly...yet to confirm!

As a consequence, had to bring in an electrician at additional cost to install said thermostats and thus additional days...needless to say...he now owes me for this job!!!

The Issues…

...are surprisingly few…apart from the wonky downlights, the cracks that have suddenly appeared, an isolator switch floating mid-wall and an in-wall fireplace that was placed too near the ground to qualify as such...it’s not looking too bad.

Besides...some may say that I'm nitpicking...Moi...oh contraire ...I did warn said builder that I was of an anally retentive disposition...people just don't listen when I speak!!!

Wonky lights: I am told by the builder that these were fitted askew due to the many horizontal joist, that it was the only way to get the spacing even…WHAT ABOUT THE OBLIQUITY...do they have no respect for linear dimensions??? Although I am told a ‘laser’ was utilised…with one eye closed?

I have suggested that by adding one more fixture the problem of spacing can he resolved…although I must question…how do horizon joist affect vertical alignment?

Cracks: Slightly alarmed when I popped in to check on progress and noticed several cracks in the walls and ceiling in the master bedroom. Naturally I contacted the builder to question why and how this happened and was told that the old paint was hiding a multitude of sins...doubtful...these cracks look far too deep for that, but I'm no builder...could be though...I am interested to see how these will be disappeared.


Isolator switch: in my humble opinion the placement was ridiculous but apparently it HAD to be there…a myriad of reasons were given...the electrician's insistence, the health and safety issue and the fact that it was the best locale for such a switch…in mid air???

I begged to differ...as tall as I am I cannot reach to damn thing to shut off in an emergency…where pray tell is the sense in that…after much haranguing (my insisting to speak with the electrician personally) it has been relocated to the cupboard under the stairs.

Fireplace: When one purchases such an item it is more for the aesthetics than the actual practicality of the device! To that end I was more than a little agitated to discovered the builder had taken it upon himself to decide the height at which it was placed. When questioned he insisted the flue size prevented him from placing it any higher…taking full advantage of the ongoing feud, I asked the plumber to confirm...he advised there was enough space above to allow for a hike of a further 3 feet...at least. More haranguing led to a near parting of ways...the utter refusal of further payment to relocate as apparently...I TOLD HIM TO PUT IT THERE...Is it me or do we see a pattern forming here?

…not REALLY!?!

…what is left to be done...can’t wait to ‘do’ before and after finale…I digress…everything is semi- finished…I am told that it all hinges on the heating!

…and the windows…STILL WITH PLANNING…apparently “there was a delay in producing the level of detailed drawings required by the conservation officer” and so they are behind schedule!!!

My ‘peeps’…the one in charge of scheduling…the one I took the time to developed the rapport with…IS GONE!!! Whether from the company or the project was not disclosed…she was slightly rubbish but alas we make use of the tools given!

Dealing now with a combination of her replacement and the folk at L&Q…as you can see from the above statement (italics), not much of an improvement…I was asked “In regard to condition of your windows, what are the issues with your existing casements that would prevent your moving back into the property?”

Having never lived at the property my response was rather polite me thinks “The issues with both windows and doors are twofold. Firstly the majority are rotten. As I will be living at the property on my own, I do not feel they provide sufficient security in their current state.Secondly, the casings have been removed in some cases which will nullify any heating system in situ.

I await a response…

The Builder and the Plumber...

It has to be said...folk NEVER cease to amaze me!

The builder was introduced to me by the plumber who happens to be an old family friend.

These two men (not boys) have worked together...on many a project...WHY fall out NOW???

The root cause...MONEY. Apparently the delay caused by the plumber's domestic dramas has put the builder behind schedule and as a result the loss of potentially lucrative future contracts.

And so we now have the builder desperately trying to unseat the plumber by bringing in others to quote for the job that was formerly promised him...OUT OF ORDER I hear you say...you don't know the half of it...a hammer has been swung...the wall being the only casualty!!!

Neither can 'bear' to be onsite with the other...the threats continue to fly!!!

And things were going swimmingly...until...

...the dreaded RED TAPE which I had managed to avoid to date, however, no good deed goes unpunished and so despite wanting my windows returned to the original wooden sash as opposed to the in situ uPVC I am told it has to go through PLANNING!!!

Now...to received planning permission will take approximately 8 weeks so I am told I will not hear anything until early June... needless to say this has put the kibosh on my garden party house warming!!! No matter...as always I have a work-around.

The interior...now that's another story...currently having a gas meter issue as in moving it 6ft which officially (British Gas) was to cost over £1k, however, off the books was to cost £300, think I may have agreed to readily and the price was bumped up a further £100 with the excuse of miscalculating materials and man hours...not lending confidence....so got someone else to quote...£450!!!

On the upside the kitchen has been delivered, the undercoat is on and the sub flooring is complete! The internal doors are proving to be a bit of a challenge. First quote was £11k, without frames or architraves. Second was £12k with and waiting on a third which is to also include skirting boards!!!